Just like the cult, many work places and institutions have the same toxic red flags that I grew up with, like fit into this mould or be kicked out ✒️ Petra Velzeboer
It was really tough, I remember feeling trapped. I was trapped my whole life in the cult and after leaving I was very quickly trapped in a different situation.. I joined a recovery group aged 26 – it was the first time I observed people actually being honest with each other and just being open about their, sometimes extreme, stories. It was here where I slowly started telling people where I came from and what my story was.
I’ve learned that there are things that we as individuals can do to change our lives. I previously had a victim mentality and was very angry thinking; ‘Why didn’t my parents send me to school?’, ‘Why were there so many abuses?’ and ‘Why did I grow up the way that I did?’. But I realised that no matter what’s happened the rest of my life is now mine and it’s going to have trauma.
I ended up studying and training to be a psychotherapist and eventually working in youth mental health. As part of my training, I had to have therapy. That self-awareness helped me understand some of the trauma I had experienced but I actually didn’t understand thatPetra trained to be a psychotherapist
I started realising my life was full of different phases that you move through – there was the really tough time raising children and getting sober, then there was my masters degree at night while working full time and raising two kids. I have also given my two children access to education, which was really important to me: I remember my son getting a scholarship to a pretty prestigious private school – think Hogwarts-type buildings.
For myself, I started imagining a good career, a real career. It was a gradual process in learning to be honest with myself and everyone else and taking action on the things I could control.that I grew up with, like fit into this mould or be kicked out. We talk about creativity and wanting to bring out the best in people but in many places you have to toe the party line and fear is used. One job I had left within three months of starting.
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