'I would normally start worrying about Christmas by August.' ✍️ HopeVirgo on what Christmas can mean for people with eating disorders
Hope has now recovered but thinks back to Christmases in the past when her eating disorder took over I lay in bed reflecting on the day and thinking about what was in store. It was Christmas Eve and my brain was in turmoil, frantically calorie-counting everything I had eaten. The day had started okay – we had our traditional 24 December family brunch out – but it had ended with an argument over dinner.
That had actually been my wish for weeks, but then, come morning, it was like Groundhog Day. I would get on the scales and weigh myself, pull on my tracksuit bottoms, look in the mirror, and my brain would declare: just one more day. As I stared back at myself my mind told me that I just needed to do this a little bit longer and everything would be better. The sad reality was I did not care about ruining everyone’s Christmas Day with an argument as long as I didn’t have to eat.
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