I've learned to love my body - so why can't I stop with the botox?
I, like many other women, have lost track of what is normal, healthy or even expected with age It was June 2022 and I was on holiday, sitting in an AirBnB that looked only a half as good as the pictures that advertised it, staring into the mirror. Across my once smooth forehead ran a series of wrinkles, not yet deeply embedded into my skin, but still, very much there.
I pulled at my scalp in an attempt to remove them and applied four layers of moisturiser. At 34 it wasn’t exactly unusual – wrinkles can start as early as 25 – but they didn’t fit with the perception I had of myself. l felt young but, my appearance, I decided, was now “old”. One month later I was booked in for my first treatment.
Even typing these words, it feels ludicrous that I felt so strongly about it that I barely stopped to think about what I was doing. Even more so when I consider how long and hard I fought to be positive about my body. I grew up in the 90s and noughties whereso I spent most of my teens and twenties crippled by anxiety. I counted calories, studiously studied the lines on my scales and let whole days be ruined by what I saw in the mirror.
It was a confusing time as I simultaneously felt deeply ashamed of my body and deeply ashamed that I cared so much. It was only as I got older that I found that the key to finding body acceptance – the realisation that in the grand scheme of things how you look doesn’t really matter, the world doesn’t stop turning just because you’re wearing a different size of jeans. I now feel confident and comfortable in my body. Yet when it comes down to it, I can’t seem to offer the same logic to my face.
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