Help! My mum has moved in - I feel guilty and she feels resentment ✍️KateHilpern on unexpectedly becoming a carer
company saying she’d had a fall and was in hospital. None of our lives will ever be the same again.
There are lots of positives. She’s got a wicked sense of humour, my mum, so she fits in just fine around here. I don’t have to drive 100 miles to see her, then worry about getting back in time for the kids. It’s a joy to finally see her eating something other than boiled eggs. Plus, I’m lucky enough to have a drop-in carer to help with getting her washed and dressed three mornings a week. Most of all, I know she’s safe.
As in my case, adds Dr Boulton, the situation often occurs without warning. After all, for most people, the reality of our parents getting older and needing more help is something we – or they – don’t really like to think about until we need to. According to a study by Home Instead last year, 33 per cent of people worry about their parents’ physical health, yet 81 per cent are reluctant to have a conversation with them about possible care options.
Her grief and resentment – though understandable – did not initially manifest itself kindly, shall we say. And in the early weeks – when I was shattered from juggling work, care and kids and was navigating my own emotions about it all – we sometimes clashed and found ourselves slipping into roles from way back when. Yikes, I thought, I’m 52 not 15!
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