Kelly K. James lives outside Chicago with one son, one daughter, one dog, and one very spoiled fat cat. She’s working on a memoir about navigating the corporate world as a former freelancer. For more, visit www.kellykjames.net.
Kelly James, Erik Enger, and their children, Ryan Enger and Haley Enger, at the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C., in October 2015
Divorce gave me parenting freedom I had never had. I could take the kids to Erik’s if I was going out with a girlfriend or planning a late night. Having a backup gave me the freedom to date again, once I was sure that I wanted to. I worried about Erik’s health even though he seemed to be recovering OK. But nothing prepared me for Haley’s call one afternoon when I was talking with Walt. “Ryan thinks Daddy’s dead!” she blurted when I answered.
“Hey, sweetie.” I knelt down and put my arms around her. “They gave your dad all kinds of special medicine, and used special machines to try to help him, ” I said. I took a breath. “It didn’t work. He died. I’m so sorry.” Co-parenting meant that I got a break every two weeks. It also meant that Erik and I were raising our kids together, even though we were divorced. That I wasn’t making every decision, big and small, on my own. That I had someone to commiserate with over the challenges of parenting, someone to celebrate with when one of our kids did something amazing, someone who shared the same memories. Someone who loved them as much as I do.
My job now isn’t just to parent. It’s to stay alive. But I feel mortal ― and also tired. And, on the worst nights, overwhelmed. Because I’m it. My partner in parenting, my backup, my safety net, is gone. It’s up to me to get these kids into adulthood, and hopefully do a decent job of it.I realize that I’m not alone. Whether single parents by choice or circumstance, there are millions of moms and dads doing the work of two parents, on their own, every day, day after day. After all,.
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