Perhaps a big, messy, dramatic, painful divorce is actually the kindest way you could possibly leave someone Letting the person you’re leaving hate you, might well be the last act of kindness you ever do for them 🖋️ RebeccaCNReid for ipaperviews
Maybe it would be more sensible to agree that you’re going to embrace the chaos and the drama – to give your marriage a funeral with thousands of wailing mourners flinging themselves into the grave, rather than a couple of verses of “All Things Bright and Beautiful” followed by finger sandwiches and awkward conversation.
I know that placating yourself with the prospect of being amicable is normal, because I did it. I still do it. I don’t want to lose the friendship I shared with my ex, alongside losing absolutely everything else. Splitting up is never harder than on the days when, when we say goodbye at the front door with the memories of summer holidays and lockdown walks and dinner parties and Scrabble games hanging in the air.
Just as some famous people have set unattainable standards for beauty, acting, body weight, wealth and career success, they’ve set an unattainable bar for splits. It’s not reasonable or sensible to expect that you will remain “great friends” asclaimed, or that you will “move forward with deep love, kindness and mutual respect for everything we have created together” as claimed by Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth.
Having a good divorce is, I think, harder than having a bad one. Allowing yourself to hate and be hated is to allow them, and you, to move on. The more you dislike someone, the easier it is to live without them. So perhaps a big, messy, dramatic, painful divorce is actually the kindest way you could possibly leave someone. Letting the person you’re leaving hate you, might well be the last act of kindness you ever do for them.
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