Why do so many of us ‘consent’ to sex we don't actually want? Here's why our sexual culture desperately needs to change. RVT9
When reflecting on my own past sexual experiences, I started to think about the reasons why I consented to sex that I really didn’t want to have. Some of the reasons stemmed from my attachment style as an anxiously attached person who just wanted to get closer to someone I felt was pulling away. But sometimes I consented to sex because I felt it was the ‘polite’ thing to do, what was expected of me in that moment because the guy had been vaguely nice to me.
Consenting to unwanted sex is a gendered issue. More than four in ten women live in fear of refusing a partner’s sexual demands, and feel they have no choice but to agree, according to aIn order to change our sexual culture, it’s important to reflect on the ways gender roles and cultural ideas might be influencing your decision making in sexual situations. These perceptions can lead us to believe we ‘should’ have sex even if we don’t want to or don’t really feel like it.
Hilda Burke – psychotherapist and couples counsellor – tells me she once had a client who slept with every man she went on a Tinder date with because “That’s what she thought Tinder was. So, even though she found a lot of the men unattractive and the sex not very enjoyable, it was what she felt was expected in the 'Tinder World' so she did it.
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