This behaviour should be labelled what it really is – obsessiveness, stalking, emotional blackmail, grooming, anything that pathologises the abuser’s actions rather than providing any illusion that these are acts of “love”
– whilst living there I ended up in two further abusive relationships. The story always ended the same way: control, violence, “love” – and repeat. In my experience, no one would stay for pure control and violence. They stay for the “love”, which is why that part, actually, is the most dangerous and enables much more domestic abuse to occur.
Being in an abusive relationship was like living in a permanent fog. Even when – or if – you get out, the fog doesn’t immediately lift either. I missed my ex-partners for months. I missed their “love”. So, if you do choose to report domestic abuse, you’d be hoping for police officers – the first line of contact when reporting – to notice the love-bombing part of your story, even if you don’t.
Firstly, because it’s not an action which denotes genuine, selfless love at all, but one which gives the abuser what they crave – control. Secondly, it feels nothing like the devastation of a bomb hitting. The terminology, confusingly, tries to encapsulate what the survivor feels , along with a word that has connotations of violence. It may feel apt to people on the outside, but it doesn’t truly encapsulate the pattern this abuse takes.
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