“His unattainability made him my one big regret”
The other day, I was in the park with a friend walking her dog when I saw this guy struggling to get an angry toddler into a pushchair. He had all the paraphernalia of parenthood; a chaotic nappy bag, the scooter of an older child to man-handle, a pack of wet wipes to clean up ice cream. I knew it was Will because of the angle of his nose and the shape of his eyes. But the brightness in them had gone. The dirty grey hair was thinning. There was no swagger, just exhaustion.
Watching Will, older, stressed, struggling with his kids in his average 40-something life, I felt laughter bubbling up inside me, a childish giddiness that came from the sudden disappearance of a regret. I finally understood that the image of him in my head was a fantasy. The cookie-cutter perfection that seemed like the holy grail at the time. A time before I had any idea who I was or that it was OK to be myself and expect to be liked for that fact. As I got closer, Will looked up.
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